i don't think so!

You said you mean it! But I don't think so cause, if you do, well you could have at least humble yourself and swallow your pride even just for once. By doing so would not make you a less person but instead could change my perception in you.

countdown.....

4 more days to go and I'll be turning 27! yehey! I like the number combinations of my birthday this year... me turning 27 on October 27th, 2007! amazing! Hopefully this would be a very happy day for me.

now he knows!

My confidante just revealed my secrets to "him". I didn't expect it. I won't play truth or dare with them anymore (huhuhuhu), no longer. Well, whatever the consequences of that, I don't know yet! I don't even know how to behave on our next meeting. Monday please don't come yet. I have to compose myself first. Well..well..well... just have to be natural and act the same I guess. As if Friday revelations did not happen. Hope he'll do the same. If not, tsk..tsk... bati.

Hopefully we'll stick to our words when we all agreed to leave whatever secrets have been told in that four corners of the wall.

anything goes....

Things at the top of my head today:

*meeting with KG on monday
*buy some new clothes for myself and Harvey
*how would monday be like?
*attend early mass tomorrow
*chat with Nebe on how my week was
*eat chocolate cake later

miss my sister :(

This is not the first instance that my sis didn't come home for a few days but this time I am kinda worried for reasons I don't know. Have tried to call her cellfone several times yesterday and today and even last weekend but I just can't reached her. Hope she is fine. Though we frequently argue on to some things but still I love her and care for her. I may not be that showy to her but truly I do. After all I am still after what's best for her. She just don't get it.

must have been the chance....

Must have been the chance for me to tell him whatever it is. But the time does not permit so. Another opportunity loss. Well, I just left him with some things to ponder on. Hope he get it (ha-ha). Though I was saying I am over with my "kahibangan" with him but somehow I was thinking it would be better if at least he would know. Nothing is wrong with it. And we may call it foolishness or martyrdom but I may say that I was really glad that we had dinner together this evening, though it was not a date.

feel sorry for her

I don't know for how long, whether this is for ever or just for a few days or weeks, but the good thing is, somehow, he decided to end up their flingy thingy relationship. Hopefully this is for ever, for everybody's goodness sake. May he stands firm with his decision.

For all the reasons in the world, it would not be a pleasant and healthy relationship, if ever, whether in the eyes of men and in the eyes of the one above . It would definitely be offensive if in case they decided to be together. It may not be that easy as it seems to the girl but it would not get even easier if ever they'll get any further. The more complicated things would be and the more it would be harder for them to get out from it. She just have to accept the fact and bear the consequences for her to be able to move on a bit faster. In the first place, she knows where she stands. It's just so sad that she had to learn or realize it the hard way. And to you boy, as if you are reading this : it's cool to be you! But then you just have to stop being nice to all ladies out there since you easily like and may eventually fall for another one. Once is enough. Twice is unforgivable. Better be good while you still have the chance.

if only.....

If only B will be the one to feel what Y has for me (hehehe). Could that be possible? Exchange of hearts? How I wish!

As the saying goes :

Mahal kita
Mahal mo siya
Mahal niya ay iba

But that is not totally my case. It is somehow more of :

Mahal niya ako
Mahal kita
Mahal nang mahal mo ay iba

Haha! Anyone could make up a song for that? Complicated as it is.

Hahay..........Mysteries of life!

weird guy!

He is getting into my nerves. I don't know... I get irritated with him. He is the hardest person I've ever known in phocuslandia. I've tried my best just to understand him but he is impossible.

i've come to my senses....

Finally, I've accepted the fact, it can never be "us"....... for a lot of reasons. First, I choose to believe that he is not into me. I may just be too assuming, got the wrong impressions, deceived by his words and actions.

Second, I have come to realize that he is no good to me and we won't make up a great couple. I am not sour graping or what, I am just stating facts. I can't even understand why he keeps on criticizing my behaviour telling me that this is no good and I should change these and stuff when actually I just inherited all these traits or attitudes from him. He was the one who triggers me to act such way. I wonder if he hears himself?

And third, I don't know I just easily get irritated with him lately. And possibly he feels the same way with me. We just don't meet up. Our minds might meet on to some things but not our "batasan".

Well, oh well.... Clashing hearts....

what's this?

What's wrong with me these days! I really can't understand my behaviour. One moment I am glad the next moment I am sad. Why? I really don't know what happened. Depressed? I easily get irritated with things. And I don't even want to have a conversation with other people except to my bestfriend. I feel deserted and betrayed and used and dumped. Aggghhhhhhhhh! What this? Am I losing my sanity? Is this normal?

another baby boy..... :)

My sister just gave birth to a healthy baby boy, another baby boy! wahehe! We'll gonna named him Harvey. The family is so glad having another baby around. But we still loved Hans Christian of course. That would not have our love for him less, instead we are giving him more attention this time to let him feel that there's nothing to be alarmed with the influx of his younger brother. We know that Hans is quite insecure for the coming of his younger brother but we really make sure that he won't get jealous or feel insecure or what. Siblings rivalry must not be an issue for them. To Harvey, welcome to this beautiful world!

not feeling well.....

I am not feeling well today. Got some colds but I've taken some medicines already. Hope I feel fine before the week ends cause advertising team has scheduled trip this saturday.

i don't need one....

Yeah, she's right! I don't need one actually, I'm just yearning for it. It's just but natural for us to yearn those things we don't have. :)

till we meet again! :(

After saying hello to my relatives from Oregon who were in here for a vacation weeks ago, I just bid them an emotional goodbye this afternoon. I am surely gonna miss them all. Though we just spent less time together while they were here cause they were at Leyte most of the time but truly we shared nice memories. Our Bohol escapade was truly memorable despite the bad weather and the car sick Josh and Jacque had while having the country side tour. And who can forget our to and fro long walk on the shore with barefoot from Amarela to Bohol Beach Club. The sea breeze was really soothing then and the silence of the night at Amarela was oh so relaxing. I was really having a good night sleep that time after having a dip at the pool with Jen and these "kulit" kids (nieces and nephews of mine).

If only having them around is that simple and easy. I begin to ask why is there a need for families to be separated from each other because of work or ambition or whatever. If only things of life are these undemanding!

Well..well...Life oh life. I just hope for tatay berning and tiya doning the best of health always since they are kinda far from their sons and daughters.... and to Steve & Dina and to the 3J, a happy and fruitful life. Success to all of us guys! Cheers for our future! And till we meet again... :)

back to work...

Hope things will be running smooth tomorrow at the office. After a long weekend vacation, its time to face the work again. :)

tired and confused...

I don't know if I still have to pursue this feeling that I've felt right now. So confusing and so vague. Sometimes I wanna keep the fight but then sometimes I feel like tired and wanted to give up. Though I always said that I won't just give in without a fight this time. Not now and no longer. Twice is enough and I can't just afford to lose this time without even finding the truth. Complicated it is but I must go on with this. Maybe I could give a time frame, if things are not turning out the way I wanted it to be, might as well move on and get a life of my own. If only I could just say stop and everything else will follow, if only my mind is that powerful over my heart. If only............

Is he?

Is he into me or am I just too assuming? Whatever ! I'll just enjoy the feeling that I've felt when we're together and the thought of being "cared" and "loved" by him whether it's real or it's for reel.

Yehey

So happy today cause I now have my internet connection at home. Meaning I can now do my blogging more often. :)

life is too short...

I can’t imagine how fast things go. Just last night at almost 11pm I saw my brother and his buddy Atoy at the bakeshop. It was Atoy’s day off I suppose. He works as a Medical Transcriptionist at Global Solutions and is on a graveyard shift. Never in my mind it occur that that would be the last time that I am going to see him alive. I was even teasing him before I left them.

6 am today, I heard someone crying. I thought it was just from a housemate who was having a bad dream or something. That usually happens at our house actually. But then the cry was so loud that made me went out of my room up and see what’s really going on. I saw my brother crying on his knees and with my younger sister besides him trying to comfort. I asked what had happened and in between his sobbing, he uttered, “ Atoy was shoot three times along the highway of Liloan and was killed.

I can’t believe what I’ve heard. Unbelievable but this is it. This is really what is happening. I don’t know what to feel and what to say. I feel sorry for my brother who was traumatized with the incident and blaming himself for having done nothing. And I feel sorry for Atoy for dying so young and in that terrible way. I feel sorry for his family he left behind who loves him and treasures him. His mother who is kinda physically weak.

The case was said to be a robbery. Someone heard that Atoy was saying to the perpetrator to just take his mobile phone. Don’t know what other arguments they have that made this guy shoot him thrice. My brother upon hearing the explosion run to the nearest store and ask for some help. A couple of minutes rescuers came in and Atoy was brought to the hospital. But sad to say he was dead on arrival.

As it has always been said over and over again, life is too short. So treasure every moments you’ve got, gather moments while you may for you’ll never know if that moment will ever come again..

To Atoy may your soul finds peace in God’s arms. You will always remain in our hearts.

happy sad...

Things are quite well today. Thanks God and thanks to my buddy who keeps me going despite the emotional turmoil that I am undergoing right now. :)

are they happy?

I was able to read the blog of my ex's wifey. After reading it, some questions keep lingering on my mind, doesn't he loves her or weren't they happy with their married life? Well, maybe they are just still in the adjustment period and it can't be avoided that there are these minor clashes.

hehe..huhu

I was never wrong with my insights! Women’s intuition…. Well, as it has always been said, believe in your instincts cause most of the time those were the truth as long as you have the basis. Though its kinda frustrating and somehow hurting me but I am grateful upon knowing the truth. But a part of me still questioning whether I was hearing the truth or was I some kinda being trapped? Was she just trying to see what my reactions would be or what? Whatever it is I still have to find out. I need to be vigilant.

contagious emotions...

Call it coincidence or what! But among my close girl friends in the office, almost all of them are in the state of loneliness right now. I've heard all there stories and the pain that they've felt caused by the break up or by the physical separation from there loved ones. As a friend I was trying to be a crying shoulder and lending my ears for them to be able to let out what is there that is in their hearts and minds. I myself have my own weariness and loneliness but thanks God I have my cousin and a best friend at home whom I can tell whatever it is that's bothering me. And who always cheers me up when I am sad and lonely.

But what sounds silly was that after hearing all their stories, suddenly I felt some emptiness in me. Was I absorbing all the emotions they've felt. It was past 12 am already and still I can't sleep. I've called up my close friends just for nothing. Jen who knows me for quite a long time was even shocked why I was calling her at that wee hour knowing that I usually went early to sleep on weekdays. She instantly said "got some problems? Okey whatever it is I am willing to listen."I even sent a message to my officemate just telling him how I felt. Absorber as I am! Well that only shows I am that vulnerable yet trying to be invincible.

hope i am wrong

I hope I am wrong with my doubts because I don’t think I’d still want to befriend them still if I’ll find out that I am right. Not to praise my own self but I know I am a good person and if ever the goodness is being used and abused, well then sorry cause you’ll definitely not going to see any shadow of me or hear anything from me. Hope I am just being paranoid.

Secret Revealed.... :(

And I was on the hot seat again! My secret was revealed. We were on a night out with my two other officemates, just having a cup of coffee in a newly opened night market in the city after having our dinner at a Thai restaurant. After an hour of sitting outside the coffee shop and making a comment to the passersby, the lights were turned on me. I was kinda nervous when one of my officemate says she got one question for me and is hoping for a straight answer. And the question was fired which made me admit the truth. I know they know the answers already they just want a confirmation. Well, I trust the two ladies and I know that my secret is safe with them. Not that big deal actually it’s just that I don’t want everyone to know about it. I was glad to hear their feedbacks anyway.

the wedding......

The day we’ve all been waiting for has come. The wedding day of my friend (bride) and of my cousin (groom). Few months ago the barkada were so busy in helping the preparations, from the completion of the entourage, to the reception, printing of the invitation cards, making of the give aways and to the minute detail of the occasion to make it more meaningful and memorable.

The wedding ceremony starts at 2pm and I was so glad seeing the couple so excited and happy. You can see it in their eyes the love that’s burning inside (char!). But my sympathy was on the x-bf of the bride which happens to be my nephew (pamangkin sa pag agawan cause his mom is my first degree cousin). Somewhat I can relate to how he feels at that time. Though he was saying that he was over with her and he is perfectly fine, he cannot deny the fact that by just looking at him there’s still this pang of pain in his heart. During the wedding ceremony, on the exchanging of vows I saw him trying not to listen on the “I do’s” and was starting to make a conversation to the person next to him. Maybe by not hearing the “I do’s” would somehow lessen the pain he felt. What ate my heart out when I’ve heard somebody at my back saying “pity on him” (referring to the x bf). Hearing those words made me realized that I was definitely right with my decision as to not to attend to my ex-bf ‘s wedding cause you can’t help the people around you especially those who knew the story of your lovelife to feel pity or sorry on you no matter how you tried to insist that you are absolutely fine and was able to get over with it already.

Well, to the newly wed, best wishes! You’ve got my prayers. And to the ex-bf, may you’ll find the girl made by heaven for you.

It was a perfect fine day

It was a perfectly fine day. The sun shines so brightly and I am all up ready to face another day of work with delight and excitement in my heart. I had my breakfast, kiss my mom goodbye and hurriedly went out of the house and catch the vehicle that would bring me to my workplace.

I was saying it was a perfectly fine day even if the day hasn’t end yet because this certain person just ruined it in a matter of seconds. I was so mad and frustrated. Mad because he was acting so unfair. I don’t know if he wakes up in the wrong side of the bed today and just trying to ruin someone else’s day too. All I know is I was also mad at him. Don’t wanna go into the details, I am just writing this to let my feelings out and I know I will be fine later.

Love and Fear Collide

Why am I scared
Why am I always holding it back
Is it for fear of being hurt again
Fear that I might fall for the wrong person
But With a right reason?

Wrong person with a right reason
Sounds confusing, right?
Is there such a thing as wrong person?
There's none I guess
It's just that love did not work out
The way I expected it to be.

Many times I have loved and be loved
Fallen and get hurt
But certainly I stand up to those times I fall
With faith and courage to love
And face the world again.

But for how many times
And for how long this cycle goes on?
Anyone please tell me.
Cause my desire to Love
Is replaced with fear in my heart.