Friday, June 27, 2008

excited for the weekend...

Though I don't have any outing plans for the weekend but still I'm excited since this means no work, no worries and can take a lot of sleep. Oh yeah, I got a birthday party to attend, almost forget about it. And will do some tutorials to Janice on some stuff.

Though I wanna go somewhere but my funds doesn't permit me so. :(

Anyways, that's it for now...

Have a great weekend...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

together again.... (Waaaaaaa)

I called him up and told him that we must meet and talk since I just broke to him that we'll cool off for the meantime through chat. I insisted that we should meet even if it sounds like he doesn't want to. Primary reason is for us to talk things out. I met him at the office where he used to work, he was asked to help them on some problems with their website that is why he was there. When I arrived he just welcomed me his warm embrace. He embrace me so tight that I barely can breathe. Then I realize I am missing him so much, did he miss me too? I believe so. He looks so tired then, I don't know if he had slept last night. Seeing him again and feeling his warm embrace made me tell myself that I'd still wanna stay with him and work the relationship out. Hope he feels the same.

Actually, we really feel the same way since there was never lots of talks done, we just agreed to have everything back to normal. So no need to waste any words or explanation whatsoever.

Business as usual... :)

Monday, June 23, 2008

friends indeed!!

I've always been grateful that I am surrounded with lots of real friends. Whom I can count on through good times and bad times. Thanks for ALWAYS being there guys... luv yah.. mwah..

cool off....

Yes, we just decided to cool it off. Don't know for how long or will we be back in each other's arms again....Only Heaven knows.. Though I initiated the action since I feel like he needs some space and time to think of things but still there's pain and fear that I felt. Fear of losing him forever and pain since for some time now I have learned to love him too. As much as I'd like to take back what I've just said a while ago but then I have to be strong and stick to my words.I don't know if this is right but this is the least thing I could think of right now.

My regret was why I was doing it through chat. I could have just have it face to face with him. But still I planned to talk to him in person about this.

Well, for what will be the future, I just let things fall into place, if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be.

Friday, June 20, 2008

despite the typhoon....

A typhoon was said to strike tonight and my papa did not allow me to go for work since work hours start at 11pm till 8am of the following day.

Funny or silly it is that despite the heavy rain and the strong winds, me and my boyfriend still managed to see other. We just can't get through the night without seeing and hugging each other tight....(hehehe) We met at the mini grocery store nearby our place and after buying a box of pizza , we proceeded to his a teleseries, modify my blog, and a little chit chats with his house mates.

An hour after, he sends me home cause cinderella has to go home before 12 midnight strikes (hehehe). Actually my papa sends me a sms that I need to be home now cause of the bad weather (how old am I that I am still alarmed with my papa's sms?? duh... papa's gurl!). As much as we'd like the night not to end and still be together but then we have to separate ways now..

Till next time! (mwah!) :)

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

wasn't able to make it...

My plan of breaking up or probably a cool off depending on what we'll agreed on was a failure. I wasn't able to make it. (loser)

Had a heart to heart talk with him after a dinner and pour out half of my emotions. I was quite tongue tied then, my thoughts & feelings were not all put into words.How I wish he could just read all of them and so there is no need for me to express it. All the things that I've memorized were vanished in the air. Probably because I don't want to hurt, worse, pressure him with our relationship. That's the last thing that I'm gonna do. Though somehow it sounds like I am pressuring him now.

At some instances, he has a point why all the things that I want would not happen that quickly. Which made me realize he is a man who respects others feelings and that he has a big heart and a gentle man. Gentle man or he just still loves her that much till now? Possibly yes, pity me and lucky her. How I wish I am the only one who occupies that big heart of his and what he feels for her right now is just a respect to the past and sympathy for the one in grief.... (sigh)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

sick and tired...

I've come to realize that this is totally unfair... I don't wanna be treated like this. Tears are running down through my cheeks and I don't care if my officemates would saw me this way. I’ve tried to understand everybody elses side but what about mine? I just can no longer handle this. I need to think of myself too.. And I guess my understanding & patience for them is all up to now.

I can't just remain hidden forever. He can't even afford to post a single pic of us together to his friendster account. So sick and tired of this situation. And I have a feeling I'm the only one who is proud of this relationship. Damn it!

Pity on me... but no... self pity has no place in my personality. I should come up with a firm decision the soonest possible. I can’t endure being hidden forever. If he can’t be proud of me might as well put an end to all of these. Might be painful but for sure with God’s grace I’ll get over this.

ISP sucks...

Our internet connection sucks. I wanted to do a lot of things online but how could that possibly be without the internet.

Can't even download my mail messages. Don't know if there's task sent by Sean today. Aghhh.....

Sunday, June 15, 2008

start anew

Sounds silly but this is the only thing that came into my mind, for our relationship to be alright. It's not that it is all wrong but in a way we started a wrong step. Everything was unclear, so complicated. So I decided to start anew. I asked him to court me again, at least this time we now know how we feel and where we stand to each other. Me into him and him into me... no strings attached...

Hope this time, things will be better. Less misunderstandings and focused more on how to build the relationship stronger.

Monday, June 9, 2008


Long weekend is over. We're now in a boat on our way back home, bid the so-called Island Paradise goodbye and face the world again with a pang of pain in my heart. How I wish this boat ride wont last...the sound of the sea waves ease the pain that I felt and makes me think of nothing else. I don't wanna step on the shore cause stepping on it means the ride is over and I leave me no choice but to face the reality.

Our 2-day vacation wasn't as exciting and romantic as I've expected it to be. Just as I thought was the perfect night for us : lying at the beach and feeling the sea breeze with all the stars in heaven when something very unexpected came up. Well, should I say not that unexpected because somehow I have some suspicions that something fishy is really going on, blamed it to women's intuition. And probably God doesn't want me to fooled for a long time and so He find ways for it to be revealed. Intellectually, I know what I am supposed to do but my emotions are overpowering me.In my whole existence, I never thought I could be this "tanga" and forgiving. But then everybody deserves a second chance so might as well give him the chance too...